I expect too much. From myself and from others, which generally leads to disappointment. The let down. No one, or nothing ever live up to my expectations. Especially myself.
Present day example.
I skipped the gym this morning. I am sore and tired. Tired of having to get the kids dressed, fighting with them to walk to the gym so I can have some time to myself. Instead, they are in the basement, in their pyjama’s watching TV as I write this post. Disappointment.
All I want to do today is write. So many thoughts racing through my head that I wish I could get down on paper (or computer) but I know that to do so, I will need to ignore my children. It’s a lose-lose situation. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
Most days I would consider myself an optimist, a glass half full type of girl, but these days, the glass is half empty. I expect too much from myself, then don’t do half the things I intent to do, and feel like a failure.
Some days I feel like I am spinning my wheels but the chain is loose and I don’t move forward. The wheels are spinning and spinning but I stay in the same place. The major problem is that I don’t know in which direction I would go if I did start to move forward.
The fear of the unknown. My biggest obstacle to getting to where I want to be. The fear of failure. The fear of disappointment. Disappointing myself, and others.
I don’t mean to be such a buzz kill today. I just want to show that as positive I appear to be, somedays I have so much self-doubt I freeze in my tracks. I tell myself to breathe and just move forward, one step at a time.
If only I knew what I was moving towards.