Have you ever noticed there are times in your life where great change occurs? It usually isn’t sporatic. Usually it is triggered by an event that changes the world you live in and everything around it.
I have had a wonderful life. I have no complaints, except the fact that until recently I had been living it in complete auto-pilot. Distracted in the present, wishing for more and having the attitude that if I (was skinnier, had more money, was fitter, had a better job) I would be much happier. Always wanting more, rarely happy in the present moment (except for after a few glasses of wine or beer).
But a couple of things occured that rocked my world and changed the way I saw it, and live in it. The birth of my children and the death of my mother. Life and death. Those events made me realize how little control I had on my life.
Anyone who has children knows what I talk about when I say you lose control over your life when you have children. Even though there are millions of books about it, you cannot control your kids. There has been no bigger challenge in my life… and no greater joy.
The same goes with illness and death. The instant my mom was diagnosed with ALS, as much as we tried to fight it, the disease was in control. There is no worse feeling than feeling like your hands are tied and there is NOTHING you can do.
So what can you control? You can control how PRESENT you are in the world. It is hard not to be distracted, but you NEVER know what tomorrow will bring. One day you could be happily playing with son with a baby on the way and the next day you will find out that your mom is going to die… soon, and in a horrible way. Life is short people.
So all you can control is YOUR thoughts and YOUR actions. Life is now. If you were to ask me what would make me happy I would honestly say “nothing”. I am where I want to be (or at least moving in the right direction).
It is a work in progress.
Last night I was reading a story to my boys and around the end of the story I realized that I had NO IDEA what the story was about. I was too busy thinking about something else. It happens. You just have to be aware of it.
Life will try to get you down. And it will. Big time. You can’t control that. But you can control how you react to those blows. Take some deep breaths. Remind yourself that the moment will pass, no matter how bad it is. And keep in mind that those great moments will pass too. The moments with the kids, the dog, your partner, your parents, your friends. You never know what tomorrow will bring.
Live for now. Love with the thought that tomorrow might not be there. Change the things you are not happy about. Stop blaming others. Take action. Stop beating yourself up. Live. Connect to people. Love yourself.
And remember you are never alone. As lonely as some moments are, this moment will pass. Loneliness is a state of mind.
I have lost a lot in the last three years. My mother, my family (the way that I knew it), and my marriage fell apart. And as tears fill my eyes, and I have a moment of sadness… I know that with everything that I lost, I have gained so much more.
I am here now. I will not take life for granted. The good, the bad and the very very ugly.