“All I can be is who I am right now; I can experience that and work with it. That’s all I can do. The rest is the dream of the ego. “- Charlotte J. Beck

Do you remember being a kid and wanting to do something that your parents told you not to because it is too (insert reason here)? Usually they are speaking out of experience, but you don’t listen to them and you do it anyways and it results in you (insert consequence here). Then they say “I told you so”.

I am the type of person who likes to learn from my experiences. As much as a people pleaser that I am, when I want to do something, I will do it. Even if someone tells me not too. This usually is something involving the use of my body either lifting something heavy, flipping in weird ways, or jumping off high places. The reason is two-fold. My love for adrenaline and my ego.

When I was young, or just younger this wasn’t much of a problem. I knew how to work my body, I knew the risks involved and I didn’t do anything stupid. I call it “controlled risk”. Most of the time, if I got hurt, it was easily recoverable. No harm, no foul, just fun. Just like to always push a little further then that comfort zone but never in the “stupid crazy” zone.

Controlled Risks

The funny thing is, as I get older, my body is giving me warnings like my parents used to do when I push it past it’s comfort zone.

“Maybe that weight is too heavy today, your legs are already tired”

“That just hurt your back a little, don’t do it again today”

“Just rest today, you’ve been going too hard”

“DON’T RIP YOUR HANDS. NOT WORTH IT!”

As I get closer to my competition, or closer to the goals I have set for myself, I tend to ignore that little voice inside telling me to slow down.

Letting your Ego Win

I let my Ego win last Saturday. My first crossfit competition. I was so happy to be competing in the RX division. First competition, only 5 months of crossfit. Guess who was talking to me then?

“Keep up with your partner, don’t let him down”

“Make your team proud. Show them how strong you are”

“Pain is temporary. Your back will be fine. Just don’t quit”

“Don’t even think about your hands. Who cares as long as you get up on that bar”

Guess who won?

The Ego won and I haven’t been able to train for a week. I might be out for longer with a potential bulging disk in my back. MY SPINE.

My body was SCREAMING for me to stop but I didn’t listen. Guess what she is saying to me now?

I TOLD YOU SO.

Lesson Learned.

P.S. If you read this and you feel the same way please refrain from telling me that I train too hard and YOU told me so. Once the pain goes away, I will be back, training like an animal… but I will be a little smarter because I have learned from this experience. Remember, no matter what you tell me, I will not listen, I will learn by making my own mistakes. Thanks.