“It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness” -Eleanor Roosevelt

There are times in life when we struggle more then others. I remember some REALLY dark times in my past. Times when all I wanted to do was get through the day. Life was so heavy on my shoulders. Things that I couldn’t control. Things that I could. Overwhelmed by all of it. But I found the light. Eventually.

The problem is that there are things in life we can’t control. No matter how hard we try, some things happen that we can do nothing about. The only thing we can control is how we react. Funny enough, when the shit hits the fan with me, I seem to lose control of the things I CAN control. My mood. The food I put in my mouth. My behavior. It all gets affected by something that is OUT OF MY CONTROL… Until I decide to take back the control of the things I can… and not let myself get out of control. You have to know the difference and take responsibility for your own thoughts and actions.

I have seen darkness in my past so I  know how to find light. Because I have found it before. In the dark times I find the light, and I feel better. Well, kind of. Some days are harder then others.

Where is this all coming from?

After feeling like a superhero for months… I have gotten sick. Really sick. I thought that all my healthy living would stop it from coming back… but it did. With a vengeance. I went through the stages of grief.

1. Denial: I am not getting sick. I have been eating so well and not drinking that it will not be too bad. It’s just a cold. I just need to take it easy and it will pass

2. Anger: Fuck you body! I have been treating you so well and you do THIS to me????

3. Bargaining: If only I had… (insert behavior here). Mine is usually… If only I had been healthier in University I would not be sick today… or “Maybe I overtrained… if only I had taken it easier”

4. Depression: This is the worse. This is when you have to dig deep. You can get into big trouble when the darkness comes. Sometimes during this phase I just want to give up. Give up my goals. Just stop trying so damn hard… but then I find the light.

5. Acceptance: I can’t control this. I need to change my thoughts. This time for me it was easy. Gratitude. I feel grateful for the people in my life who help me through it. Thankful that I am not alone. Grateful for my children who make me laugh out loud hundreds of times a day. Grateful that they are healthy.

In the darkest of times, you can always find a light. Something. Anything that gives you some hope that light is there…

So it’s been rough… But three steps forward and one step back is still moving forward. And if all else fails… there is always ice cream, or coconut ice cream for all you paleo people.

This too shall pass. Believe it.