Change either happens out of desperation or inspiration. The great thing is that during times of change, no matter why it is happening, the growth is going to make you stronger, better, more evolved then you were before.

Life can bring some shit. Shit you have no control of. But the way you react and how you behave in response to it is 100% your responsibility. You can let it bring you down, you can complain, you can bitch and moan and groan and eat cake or drink booze, or be mean to others… or you can accept it, take responsibility for it and move on. Surrender to the pain. Surrender to the things out of your control and take responsibility for your own actions.

If you want to be healthy, eat well and exercise. If you want to be financial stable, don’t spend money on useless things. If you want to be in control of your life, then take control. Don’t blame circumstances or others for your own life.

I consider myself a positive person, but when certain triggers arise I can fold upon myself into a fetal position and go to that dark place. In that dark place I forget all my goals, my dreams and I go to a place of fear, gloom and complete and utter desperation. The funny thing is my life has not changed, but something changes in my perception of things and I fold.

As I think about my blog I see a pattern. As I work through my life I see that as much as I’ve grown, my central dogma for how I live my life has lead me to the same path over and over and over again. Some of the triggers change but I know that I need to learn new tricks for the triggers that turn my life into the pit of darkness.

Shame. Fear. Failure. Conflict.

The only way to get over them is through them. Face my fears. Face my adversaries. Look them in the eye, with a smile and say. I surrender myself to you with love.

I am not my fear. I am not my shame. I am not my past. And most importantly, failure is not the opposite of success. It is a building block to success.

But I know I need to change my dogma. I’ve gone about it all wrong this whole time. Don’t get me wrong. The puzzle pieces are there and some are in place… but for the whole puzzle to come together something BIG has to change. My perception of myself and what I will bring to the world.

I am love. I want to help people. I want to be the strongest version of me to raise my boys to be strong independent and caring members of society. But something has changed. It’s all about me. I am not selfish in thinking I need to put my needs first. Before I help you I need to help myself.

I am love. I am life. I am grateful for this opportunity to make real changes. It feels like Christmas inside. The process won’t be easy but it will be worth it.

I accept everything in my life. I am here. Now. I surrender to my fears and I will succeed. On my terms. No matter what life brings.

I might bring you along on the journey. That is still undecided.

P.S. I re read my post and realized that I talked about the negatives that may come with life. However, there are also great joys and moments that come that most of us our too busy with our lives to take time to notice. Life is beautiful. Life is a miracle and you only have one to live.